


All the ways I say "I love you"

by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ace/Aro Cole (Ninjago), Are they all out of character? Maybe. It's been a while since I've watched the show, Cole gets a mountain dropped on him, Cole kinda has a small panic attack at the beginning, Crying, Fluff, Gen, He's all good, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I am so here for the Kai & Lloyd little brother relationship, Isolation, Jay has no concept of personal space, Kai's afraid of thunderstorms, Let me know if there are tw tags I should add, Lloyd's got a lot of trauma, Nightmares, No beta we die like Garmadon, Or 7+1 I guess lol, Questionable Timeline, Shared Dreams, So..., TW: Minor Panic Attack, This is unedited trash and I loved writing every second of it, With no explanation whatsoever, do not repost to another site, fluffy as heck, injuries, it's fine though, no i do not take criticism, they're fine, wrote this in a day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21/pseuds/Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21
Summary: Cole loves his team. They're his family and he does everything in his power to keep them safe and steady. He does his best to let them know he cares about them in every way but one.OrSeven times Cole couldn't quite say "I love you," and the one time he could.
Relationships: Cole & Ninja Team (Ninjago)
Comments: 69
Kudos: 233





	All the ways I say "I love you"

**Author's Note:**

> Saw a writing prompt list of different ways to say I love you and this happened. So... Whoops?

Cole had never been good with emotions. He struggled with them, struggled to understand them and struggled even more to express them. In all the time that he’d known his friends, he didn’t think he had said “ _I love you_ ” even once. 

He was the rock, their foundation, the one who kept them steady when the world shook and crumbled around them. They came to him, not the other way around. He was a good listener, he did his best to be a good listener for them, the kind of person they deserved, but it never felt like enough. They deserved better than him, he knew it, but he was all they had so he tried. He tried for them. 

Sometimes, he couldn’t sleep, those thoughts among others keeping him awake at night and he usually ended up leaving the bunks for a moment by himself. They dreamt belowdecks and he watched the stars, wondering if crying would help, but he never did. 

They’d ask him sometimes, why he looked so tired. He just shrugged and told them he just had a weird sleep and that he probably stayed up too late. They all had problems sleeping sometimes, he should know with all the nights spent whispering assurances, his arms around their shaking forms or sparring until they were ready to return to bed, or sometimes they would just talk until the sun rose. 

After so many years of occasionally looking exhausted it just became normal. Sometimes Cole had weird sleeps, that was just how it was. They still noticed, but they stopped asking. 

They never stopped caring though, they just changed the way they approached showing it. There were so many mornings he would return to find hot chocolate waiting for him, or one of his favourite breakfast’s created by his friends, whoever happened to be up first. Every once in a while he’d just be overwhelmed by emotions that welled up in his chest and threatened to come pouring out and he’d take a moment to breathe. Those morning’s were the closest he ever came to crying. 

Probably more to do with the sleep deprivation than the gestures of care shown by his friends, he tried to tell himself. 

He couldn’t count the amount of times he’d opened his mouth to say those words: _I love you,_ but they never came out, instead lodging in his throat until he swallowed them and exchanged the confession to something else instead. A joke or a _thank you_ , but never what he really wanted to say. 

They were just words. 

He wondered why he had such trouble saying them. 

  
  
  
  


  1. **_With a hoarse voice, under the blankets_**



When Cole came to, he was in a panic. 

His heart pounded in his chest, beating wildly from his nightmare, stabbing aches slammed into his head as though a jackhammer was being used to crack his skull open, and he couldn’t _move_. 

The realization only made his heart beat faster as he struggled for breath, too warm under the blankets, but too cold with shivers running down his spines and goosebumps on his arms. The nightmare _clung_ to him, burying itself deep inside his chest and tearing at the ache there until it was nestled inside and sharp and aching just as much. 

Zane appeared in his vision and he could breathe. 

“Calm, Cole,” Zane said, titanium face concerned. “It’s alright now, you’re safe. Remember the breathing exercise Wu taught us for me? In for four, out for four.” 

He remembered. He could do that. 

He followed Zane’s breathing - Or at least the simulation of it - until his body stopped shaking and his breathing slowed. It was hard to keep his eyes open after that, body exhausted and slumping into the sheets. 

“Where--where are the others?” he managed to ask, his voice hoarse. 

“Safe,” Zane told him from where he sat on the edge of the bed. “They’re actually making food right now. Thought you might be hungry when you woke up.” 

Ordinarily Cole might laugh a little at that, but not this time. Instead he sunk into the mattress with a relieved sigh, body finally completely relaxing with the knowledge that his friends were safe. They were alright, he hadn’t lost them. Exhaustion settled into him. “What happened?” he murmured. 

“You got hit pretty badly,” Zane told him, placing a hand on his forehead and giving him a quick scan. Cole watched the numbers run across his eyes, stopping after he blinked. “Other than your clear headache, how are you feeling?” 

He tried to shift to take stock of his body and limbs but they remained unresponsive and pinned to the mattress. “Can’t move,” he mumbled. The urge to sleep was tugging at him, but he wasn’t quite ready to let it claim him yet. Not when he knew there would be nightmares waiting for him when he did so. 

“My apologies,” Zane said, taking his hand from his forehead, “we had to sedate you quite heavily. You were thrashing in your sleep and we did not want you to worsen your injuries.” 

Ah, made sense then. Wouldn’t have been the first time they’d done that with one of the Ninja. He supposed it made sense. You couldn’t fight as many battles as they had and come out unscathed. 

“You should continue resting,” Zane told him, standing. “More sleep will help. I will inform the others of your current condition. They’ll want to know that you were awake.” He turned to the door and Cole’s heart leapt into his throat. 

“Wait, Zane--” 

The Nindriod turned back to look at him, halfway to the door. His shining blue optics met his and Cole swallowed. 

“Thank you,” he said hoarsely. 

_I love you_ , he didn’t say. 

Zane’s expression softened. “You’re welcome, Cole.” He started to turn away again, gaze lingering, “Now get some rest.” 

With those words he left, shutting the door quietly behind him. The room was oppressively quiet without his presence, but Cole couldn’t ask him to stay. 

He closed his eyes and breathed until he fell asleep again. 

  
  
  
  


  1. **With no space left between**



Jay, the master of ignoring-personal-space, climbed right into his bed one night with absolutely no inquiry as to whether or not he could, and promptly stole all the blankets. 

“You literally have your own bed,” Cole groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes as his friend settled next to him with a happy hum. 

“So?” He retorted, hogging the heavy blankets. “Yours is more comfy.” 

Cole rolled over to give him an exasperated glare. “They’re exactly the same!” He would have thrown his hands up in the air if he weren’t currently laying down. 

“Sleep on my mattress and then tell me that again,” Jay sniffed, raising his chin in defiance. 

Really, it was already a losing battle. Jay was whiny and more stubborn than Kai sometimes, he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“You suck,” Cole complained, even as he scooted closer and stole some of the blankets back. Jay grinned happily at his resignation to defeat, slinging an arm over his waist and pulling him closer, trapping Cole’s legs between his freezing feet. Cole yelped at the temperature of his toes and shot him a glare. Jay just snickered. 

“Liar,” Cole grumbled. “Your bed’s fine, you’re just cold.” He let his arm flop over Jay’s waist. Just to get him warmer faster so he wouldn’t have to deal with the cold feet. “Why not sleep with Kai? He’s literally the fire ninja, he’d warm you up faster.” 

Jay made a face, then snuggled closer. “Nah, he kicks in his sleep and I always wake up _way_ too warm. Plus, you’re bigger than I am, so the cuddles are great!” 

Cole grumbled again but let him stay. He didn’t make any mention of how Jay hugged him tight enough to make him think that maybe cold feet weren’t the only thing that had brought him over. 

Cole was nearly asleep again when Jay’s quiet voice brought him back to a sleepy consciousness. 

“I can leave if it really bothers you.” 

His voice was small, not just quiet and Cole tried not to let it show how much it had actually woken him up, keeping his eyes closed as he dragged Jay close again, pressing him against his chest in a hug. “No,” he grumbled, “my heater now.” 

Jay laughed, the relief there clear and snuggled close again with a long exhale, finally relaxing in his arms. “Goodnight, Cole,” he whispered. 

“Goodnight, Jay,” he murmured back. 

_I love you_ , he didn’t say. 

He fell asleep to the sound of Jay’s breathing and comfortable warmth. 

  
  
  
  


  1. **Huddled together, the storm raging outside**



  
  


The storm hit without warning. 

They barely made it inside before torrents of rain poured out of the sky, making it dark and impossible to see more than three feet ahead. Cole cursed himself for insisting they continue their mission despite the storm clouds in the distance. At the time he thought they’d have more time. It moved faster than any of them could have predicted and now they were stuck in an old shack, the only shelter in sight. 

The wind beat against the side and the rain pounded loud enough that he had no doubt that a headache was on the horizon. He could barely hear himself think. There was nothing but static through the coms as far as he could tell, which meant the storm provided enough interference that they wouldn’t be getting a pick up any time soon. It was too dangerous to be driving or flying in this weather anyways.

There was just enough light to see the shape of Kai bent over, hands on his knees as he struggled to catch his breath, hair somehow still impossibly spikey despite being soaked like the rest of him. 

Cloe was sure that if he shook his own head he’d spray water everywhere. He tried not to think about how long it would take his annoyingly thick hair to dry without warmth or a breeze. He might freeze if he didn’t get it dry though. 

A lightning lit up the room and a crack of thunder that sounded loud enough to split the ceiling made Kai jump and Cole grimace. 

“Come on!” he yelled over the wind and rain. “We need to start a fire to get warm!” 

Kai nodded, then yelled back. “We just need something to burn!” 

The scoured the small, one-roomed building grabbing anything and everything that looked burnable. There was a thick layer of dust that covered everything despite the breeze forcing its way into the shack that told him it had been abandoned for a long time. 

There was a slightly damp blanket under what might’ve been a bed and he grabbed that along with an armful of trinkets stacking them on the bed before dragging the entire thing over to where Kai was working on lighting a small pile of things. 

It took him a minute, his fire fizzling out. “S-sorry,” he chattered, “c-cold.” 

“It’s okay,” Cole said, clenching his teeth to keep himself from shivering as well. “Just keep trying.” 

He tore apart the bed by the time Kai got the small pile lit after several attempts and the wind blowing it out. Cole dragged the dresser and anything else he could find over to shield them and the fire from the wind that squeezed through the cracks, howling loudly as it did so. Water dripped from the ceiling, but Kai had managed to find a mostly dry spot and eventually they got a fire going. They kept it small since they weren’t sure how long they would be there and huddled together by it, Cole throwing the blanket he’d found over both of them to attempt to preserve their body heat. 

Kai’s chattering teeth eventually stopped, but his shivers and flinches everytime the thunder roared did not. Now that they were pressed closer, Cole could feel every miniscule movement; the way he tensed as the lightning flashed and when the structure around them groaned, threatening to collapse. 

An especially loud crack of thunder surrounded them and Kai jumped, pressing himself against Cole’s side, squeezing his eyes shut and tensing as it continued in a long chain of impossibly loud rumbles that seemed to shake the ground under them. Cole threw his arm around immediately and pulled him close, shielding him from the noise as best he could. 

The shack shuddered, but held. 

“Sorry, I--sorry,” Kai stamared, stumbling over his words once the noise had died to something more manageable. “I just--” thunder came and he flinched, cutting off whatever he was about to say. 

“It’s okay,” Cole told him, his arms tightening around him. “I’m sorry, we wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t insisted.” 

“N-not your fault,” Kai said, trembling arms clinging tight around him. 

Cole didn’t respond to that, only hugged him tighter when more thunder came. 

_I love you,_ he didn’t say. _I’ve got you_. 

  
  
  


The storm finally faded out after what felt like hours. 

Cole looked up, blinking blearily as the sun shone through the one window in the shack. His body ached with exhaustion and the shivers were threatening to return even with the sleeping human heater pressed against him. 

He slowly glanced down at Kai, who’d ended up on his lap. His brow was creased even in sleep, body mostly limp, but still holding a degree of tension. He’d passed out a while ago, body finally giving way to exhaustion after being tense for so long. He’d woken up and fallen asleep again a few times, startled awake by especially loud claps of thunder or just the loud rain. He was really passed out now, and Cole couldn’t help but be grateful for it. 

The coms in his ear cracked to life. 

“ _Hello? Do you read me? Cole? Kai? Do you copy?_ ” Nya’s urgent voice sounded and Kai stirred. 

“Hey, Nya,” Cole croaked. He coughed, his throat scratchy. “We hear you. We’re okay.” 

“ _Oh thank ninjago, you’re okay,_ ” she let out a shaky laugh. “ _We’ve been trying to contact you for hours_.” 

“Sorry,” Cole apologized, as Kai sat up rubbing his eyes. “Got caught in the storm. We found shelter though. Might catch a cold, but we’re okay.” 

“ _We’re coming to pick you guys up_ ,” she said, “ _stay there. Kai? You there?_ ” 

“I’m here, sis,” Kai mumbled. “Sorry.” 

“ _You okay?_ ” 

“Yeah,” he glanced at Cole. “Yeah I’m okay.” 

“ _Okay,”_ Nya said, “ _we’ll be there soon_.” 

“You better have some hot chocolate and blankets ready,” Kai joked, curling up and pulling his knees to his chest. His smile looked a little shaky and Cole wordlessly leaned against him, resolutely looking out the window when Kai glanced at him. 

“ _You know it,”_ Nya responded. He could hear her smile. “ _Just hang tight._ ” 

“Will do,” Kai huffed. “Red ninja out.” 

The coms silenced and Kai slumped against him with a sigh.

They remained there, sitting quietly, their shoulders pressed together until Cole found his voice again. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“It’s okay,” Kai murmured. “Not your fault.” 

Cole, once again, didn’t respond to that. 

“Kinda lame huh?” Kai huffed after a moment, “I face robots and evil snakes and warlords but I fall apart with a little water and thunder.” 

“Robots are easy,” Cole said quietly, thinking back to those days when he was alone and the storms threatened to rip his tent from the ground all he could do was wait for it to pass at the mercy of the wind and lightning. “You can’t fight thunder.” 

Kai sighed, dropping his eyes. “No. No you can’t.” 

Cole didn’t ask for the story behind Kai’s fear and Kai didn’t share. They just waited in silence for the others to arrive, continuing to share their body heat to keep each other warm. 

  
  
  
  


  1. **Muffled, from the other side of the door**



They all knew Lloyd carried a lot. 

Trauma from his past combined with the pressure and destiny that had been set out for him made it easy to see how hard it was for him some days. There were some mornings in which they would find him up in the crows nest of the ship meditating or crying. His nightmares woke them all up, sometimes even rocking the ship with their intensity as his elemental power activated when he unconsciously fought his way out of them. Cole couldn’t count the times he had woken up to crying. Sometimes Lloyd would cling to one of them, or all of them until he fell asleep again. Other times he would train, hitting the punching bag until his knuckles tore, like he had forgotten how to stop and Zane would bandage them up in silence as Lloyd breathed. 

Other times he wanted to be alone. It was rarer though. He trusted them and none of them allowed another to suffer in silence, always talking their way through if they could, or at least offering a comforting presence to the other. He knew they understood, at least partially and sought out their comfort. But sometimes… 

  
  
  


Kai had been trying to coax him out of the bathroom all morning. He’d been there since the previous afternoon and they were all worried, a heavy silence falling over the _Destiny’s Bounty_ as the door continued to be locked. 

They didn’t force their way in. They would never force anything on Lloyd if they could help it. 

“Please, Lloyd,” Kai pleaded outside the door, “let us _help_ you, _talk_ to us.” 

“Stop! Lleave me _alone!_ ” Lloyd screamed back, his voice tearing; muffled through the door, but still all too easy to hear. “I hate you!” 

Kai’s only expression was concern and he opened his mouth to say something but Zane caught his arm and stopped him. 

“He needs some space,” he said quietly, looking at Kai. “We can check on him later.” 

Kai hesitated, looking back at the door, but after a moment his shoulder sagged and he let himself be led away from the door. 

Cole watched silently from the end of the hall where he leaned against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. 

  
  
  
  
  


Kai tried a few more times, but by the end of the day Lloyd was still locked in the bathroom. None of them really wanted to sleep, but they didn’t know when the next attack would happen so they lay down and did their best to rest. 

It took a while, but they eventually did fall asleep. Cole slipped out of bed once their breathing had evened out, his aim to spend a few hours watching the clouds and stars. His path took him past the bathroom and his steps slowed to a stop a few feet past it as the sound of crying reached his ears. He stood a little ways off, back to the door as he listened to Lloyds sobs. 

After a moment he let his body turn back around and approach the door. He made his footsteps heavy so that Lloyd could hear him coming and the crying cut off as he reached the door. 

He stood, facing it for a moment, listening to Lloyd stifle his breathing, attempting to muffle the sounds of his distress. Without a word he turned and leaned against the door, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground, his back pressed against the wooden surface. 

“Who is it?” Lloyd demanded after a few minutes. His voice was shaky but Cole didn’t feel the need to point it out. 

Cole thought for a moment then said: “Jay.” 

There was a sound that might’ve been a strangled laugh. It sounded as though it was torn from him unwillingly and Lloyd sucked in a choked breath like he was attempting to withdraw the sound. “Go away, Cole,” he said, anger and frustration colouring his voice, but he could tell was tired. He sounded so tired. 

“Do you really want me to?” he asked softly. 

Lloyd didn’t respond, so Cole stayed. 

He folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the engine humming and Lloyd’s occasional sniffles and hiccups. Sometimes they all forgot just how young he really was. Even if the _Tomorrow's Tea_ had aged him, he was still young, they all were really, but Lloyd was still the youngest. He had just skipped the rest of his childhood and been thrown into teenhood. They’d estimated he couldn't have been older than sixteen. Not a great age to have to take responsibility for your destiny at. Better than eleven, but far from ideal. 

After a while, there was a thump against the door that made his eyes snap open, then the sound of something sliding against it. Lloyd’s next hiccup sounded much closer to the door and Cole imagined him sitting on the other side, mirroring his position. 

The silence continued for a while. 

Neither of them said anything when Lloyd started to cry again. 

Cole’s legs were going numb, pricking him with pins and needles but he remained where he was, unmoving. A rock. An ever steady foundation supporting however he could, even if that was from the other side of a door. The ground would never fall out from under any of them while he was there. 

Eventually Lloyd’s sobs subsided and his breathing steadied aside from the occasional hiccup. He was silent for so long, Cole thought he’d fallen asleep. 

He was debating whether or not to shift his position, or if it would just make the numbness in his legs worse when the silence was broken. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Lloyd said, his voice small. Cole turned his head, listening through the door. “I don’t hate him.” His mind flashed back to earlier in the day when Lloyd had yelled at Kai. 

“I know you don’t,” Cole said, slumping back against the door a little. “And he knows it too.” 

“I’m so scared sometimes,” Lloyd whispered. “I’m trying so hard,” he choked a little, “but I wake up sometimes and think I’m still possessed, or kidnapped, or alone again and I shouldn’t feel so _helpless_ , I’m the _green ninja_ , I’m the most powerful elemental master in history, so why--” his voice broke and he whispered, “why do I feel so weak?” 

“You’re not weak Lloyd,” Cole said firmly, then he sighed, running his hand through his hair before continuing. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve been through so much and you keep fighting, and I know it sometimes feels like you have to, like you’re the only one who can do what you do, but…” he squeezed his eyes shut. “No matter what happens, Lloyd, No matter what we face or what destiny shows up next, you will _always_ have us.” His voice might’ve shook when he heard Lloyd’s muffled sob, but he continued. “We will _always_ be here for you, whenever you need us, whatever you need us for, we’re here for you. You’re not alone.” 

_I love you_ , he didn’t say, his throat too tight and eyes stinging too hot to even try. 

“No matter what happens you always have us,” he whispered. “We’d tear the world apart for you Lloyd.” 

There was only Lloyd’s hiccuping half-sobs for a moment, then some shuffling from behind the door and he scooched away from it as the doorknob rattled, turning to face the door, still sitting on the floor. It opened and he stared up at Lloyd’s tear-stained face and the younger ninja stared right back, shoulders shaking with the effort to hold back his sobs then he was stumbling forward, collapsing into his arms and burying his face in his shoulder, trembling. 

“I’ve got you,” Cole promised, holding him tightly. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

They remained in the hallway for a long time, Cole whispering assurances until Lloyd’s sobs died. 

He didn’t think the sun had risen yet when Kai found his way into the hall, blinking at the sight of the two of them as though wondering if he was hallucinating before his shoulder sagged, relief crashing into him. “Lloyd,” he said. 

Just his name, but one word could hold so much. Lloyd looked up staring at him for a moment before his face crumbled and Kai was at his side pulling him into a hug as he apologized, saying he didn’t hate him, that he was sorry, he didn’t mean it while Kai furiously whispered back that it was okay, that he loved him, that he knew he hadn’t meant it. 

The three of them remained in the hall, Lloyd still mostly draped across Cole but clinging to Kai as he sat with his shoulder squished against Cole’s. He fell asleep eventually before the other three appeared. Nya joined them while Jay and Zane brought breakfast to them a few minutes later and they all sat outside the bathroom in the hall, ready to hug Lloyd when he woke up and reassure him that they were there for him. 

No matter what. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  1. **As an apology, as a goodbye**



The ground was shaking and it wasn’t him making it do so. Their pursuers were gaining on them as the ground tilted and rocks fell from the cave ceiling, the entire mountain was going to come down and time was running out. 

Cole pulled Lloyd out of the way of a boulder that had been mere feet from crushing him and they kept running, the other ninja only a short distance ahead, yelling at them to hurry. 

Cole saw it a moment before it happened, cracks spiderwebbed across the ceiling shooting ahead of them and he thrust his arms in the air, skidding to a stop and doing everything in his power to keep the entire cave from collapsing on top of them. The first four made it out, but Lloyd skidded to a stop ahead of him when he realized he wasn’t with him. He spun around and the other ninja turnded to look back as well. 

The entrance was _right there_ \--they were so close to safety. “GO!” Cole ordered in a shredded roar that echoed like an avalanche. 

He stumbled forward, but every step brought the ceiling lower. His arms were shaking. They weren’t going to make it, he couldn’t hold it, it was too far. 

“Cole!” Jay screamed and -- no, no, _no!_ They were _running back towards him_. 

His eyes flickered across his friends' faces, walls crumbling all around him, a mountain about to crush everything he cared about. 

_No_. 

He wouldn’t allow it. 

A heavy stalactite dropped and smashed to the ground next to him, exploding to pieces and he locked eyes with Jay. He watched his best friend’s eyes widen as he realized what he was about to do. 

“Cole--NO!” 

He used everything he had to blast them back, sending them tumbling out the cave entrance to safety. 

He barely managed to get his arms back up in time to keep the last of the cave from collapsing. The entrance was so close, but there was no way for him to make it.

The others scrambled to their feet, one of them screamed his name again, he couldn’t hear anything properly over the roar in his ears. 

He just couldn’t say it. Why couldn’t he say it? His throat tightened, tears biting at his eyes and his vision blurred. He gave them a smile that shook just as much as his arms as the tears burned his cheeks. “Take care of each other,” he managed, voice strained. _I love you_ , he didn't say. 

They screamed as his arms gave out and the mountain collapsed on top of him. 

  
  
  
  
  


  1. **From very far away**



He wasn’t sure how he survived. Must’ve had something to do with him being the earth ninja. Still, having a mountain drop on you was a pretty sure death sentence, so he was more than a little confused. 

He wasn’t on the _Destiny’s Bounty_ . He wasn’t sure _where_ he was, but wherever it was, it wasn’t good if the chains keeping him from fully standing up were anything to go by. He’d tried to rip up the metal cell that he was in, but there was no earth in the metal to pull at, nor was there any earth beneath him. Wherever he was, it wasn’t on the ground. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was there, time was fickle when the lighting never changed. He slept sometimes, whenever his exhaustion won out and he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. The chains made it hard for him to really _do_ anything, but he did his best to keep up his routine, pushups and sit ups and every other exercise he could think of to keep his body sharp. 

He wondered if his friends knew he was alive. 

Nightmares shook him awake and he would reassure himself over and over again that he _had_ been fast enough, strong enough, that they were safe, that he’d saved them. 

  
But with no evidence it was getting increasingly hard to convince himself. 

Food came by, what he assumed was, twice a day. There was a small drawer that would open up in the wall and reveal a plate of the same substance every time. Not much for variety and he didn’t exactly trust it, but if he was going to get out of there he was going to have to keep his strength up, so he ate. 

Twenty meals later and he was beginning to wonder if he’d ever have a chance to escape. 

Isolation had never been that big of a bother for Cole. He liked quiet every once in a while and a lot of his time before he’d joined the ninja was spent alone. Silence didn’t exactly scare him and he didn’t need companionship to survive, but… 

Somehow, the longer he was there, the harder it got to sleep. His ears strained for any sound and sometimes he would sing until his throat was hoarse just to hear _something_ . The hours of nothingness was driving him insane. Usually there was _something_ he could do, or hear, or think about as a distraction, but two weeks alone with his thoughts was a lot, even for him. 

He spent a lot of it in meditation, as much as he could. He imagined it was just another exercise Sensie Wu had set up for them. They had to do something similar to once as an exercise in focus. Jay lasted about twelve hours, which was honestly impressive for him. 

_Just like training_ , he tried to tell himself. 

The only difference here was that he couldn’t tap out. 

He breathed. 

And breathed. 

And breathed. 

He slept a lot more than he was awake and when he wasn’t sleeping he was meditating or doing push ups until his arms collapsed out from under him. 

The dreams started slow, just as a silhouette in the distance. It was a welcome change from the nightmares so he couldn’t complain. The dreams were fuzzy, he could hear muffled voices calling out to him but he could never quite focus on the figures in front of him. It was frustrating. After another week of it, he almost wanted to welcome back the nightmares. 

He fell asleep in the middle of his meditation and woke up in the same position he’d passed out in, except he was in the middle of an endlessly green field of grass. There were patches of dandelions and the wind made the grass sway, but he couldn't feel it on his skin. 

A dream then. 

Huh, not the worst one by far. It was rather nice. Peaceful. 

“Cole?” 

He turned to look at where the voice had come from and came face to face with Lloyd’s wide, bright green eyes. It was probably the most detailed dream-Lloyd that he’d ever witnessed. He could actually pick out the bits of gold in his eyes. 

He rubbed his eyes. “Huh, weird dream,” he muttered to himself. “Usually there’s not so much grass.” 

“You’re alive,” Lloyd breathed. 

He blinked and glanced at him. “Huh?” 

“Cole, listen to me,” Lloyd’s voice was urgent and he grabbed Cole’s shoulders. “Where are you?” 

Cole stared at Lloyd’s hands on his shoulders. He could feel them. Weird. 

“Cole,” Lloyd repeated, shaking him, making him look up at him. “ _Where are you?_ ” 

Cole blinked. “I… I don’t know.” 

Lloyd’s brow furrowed. “You don’t know?” 

“I don’t know,” he said, dropping his gaze. Guilt his stomach churn for some reason. “There’s no earth to use, I’m stuck.” 

“Stuck where,” Lloyd pleaded, his fingers digging into his arms hard enough to sting and make him think maybe he’d wake up with bruises. “Please, Cole.” His hands released his shoulders only to grab his face and make him look at him. His eyes were desperate and Cole swallowed, unsteadily. 

“I’m… in a box-cell? I don’t know. It’s made of metal,” his brows furrowed. “There’s no earth in the metal, I can’t move it.” His shoulder sagged and his eyes stung. “I’m stuck.” 

“I need more than that, Cole, _please_.” 

Cole felt sick to his stomach. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. There’s no earth. I can’t find any.” 

Lloyd’s eyes darted across his face, then his eyes widened in realization and he breathed. “You’re in the sky.” His expression morphed into one of determination and he pulled Cole’s face closer to his. “Do you have any idea who has you?” 

Cole opened and closed his mouth soundlessly before shaking his head. “No, I haven’t… I haven’t seen anyone.” 

He dropped his eyes, unable to look at the shattered look that came onto Lloyd’s face at the implication of the sentence. “Listen to me, Cole,” Lloyd said, looking him straight in the eye. “We’re coming for you. Just hang on okay?” 

Cole shook his head. “You’re just a dream.” 

Tears welled up in Lloyd’s eyes and he shook his head. “I’m not, I’m not, I promise, this is real, I’m real.” He couldn't feel dream-Lloyds hands on his face anymore and his heart ached. 

“I miss you,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut. 

_I love you_ , he couldn’t even say to dream-Lloyd. 

Lloyd let out a single sob. “We’re coming for you, I promise, just hang on for me, please, promise me you’ll hang on.” His voice was getting further away. “Promise me you’ll hang on, Cole!” 

“I--” the words lodged in his throat. 

“Promise me!” Lloyd yelled, it was too dark to see him anymore, the ground was disappearing out from under him. 

“I promise!” he said back as loud as he could, even as he fell; even though he was gone. 

  
  
  


He woke up with tears on his cheeks and an ache in his chest, but he promised. Even if it was just a dream, he would never break a promise to Lloyd. 

  
  
  
  
  


  1. **Over and over again, until it’s nothing but a senseless babble**



  
  


At the end of the fourth week he heard something. 

Which wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary if it weren’t for the fact that he hadn’t heard anything besides his own breathing, the slide of the drawer and the clinking of chains for _weeks_. 

He sat bolt upright, trying to ignore the amount of dizziness that came with the abrupt motion. 

He listened to the sounds of banging, clanging and yells. Voices... he really wasn’t just… suspended in a floating box in the middle of nowhere? There were other people there? 

The box abruptly felt chilly and he shivered, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. His eyes floated around, looking at the identical walls, until they stopped on the one in front of him that wasn’t so identical anymore. 

  
He watched, mesmerized as frost started to spread across it until the entire wall was enveloped, cracking and freezing solid. He could see his breath now and he exhaled slowly, watching it curl. 

Another dream? It was an odd dream. 

There was a bang, much louder than the others that he could still hear that made him jump and the whole wall shuddered. On the second bang a hole was ripped in the wall. A sliver hand clawed at the wall and beat back the metal until it was big enough to fit through. 

He stared, and stared. “I’m I dreaming?” he asked, dazed, as dream(?)-Zane emerged from the hole in the wall. 

“No,” Zane told him steely as he approached. He knelt down in front of him, a look of concentration on his face and froze the chains before snapping them apart with his hands. 

Cole stared down at the broken chains, then snapped his gaze back to dream-Zane when he felt his metal hands cup his face, they were cold enough to burn but he didn’t let go. Zane looked at him, the concentration gone from his face, expression now only desperate and torn as his eyes flicked across his face as though assuring himself he was really real. Numbers flashed past his eyes as he scanned him. He blinked once, the numbers vanishing and exhaled, shoulders sagging and brows furrowing as he leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. “We found you,” he breathed. 

It was real. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

“ _Zane,_ ” Cole tried to say his name but his voice broke mid-way through and a sob was torn from his chest, ragged against his throat. His arms came around, still weighed down from the chains attached to his wrists, but no longer fastened to the floor and he clung to him, shaking. 

“I’ve got you,” Zane said, his arms wrapping around him, freezing and unmistakable, “I’m here, I’ve got you.” 

“Zane,” Cole said, “Zane, Zane, Zane, Zane, Zane--” over and over and over even as the nindroid scooped him up and took him away from the cell. 

_I love you, you’re here, you’re real, you came._

“I’ve got him,” Zane said over him. He felt bad for making him talk over him, but he couldn’t seem to stop saying his name. He might be crying. It was hard to tell. He was so tired. Zane held him tighter. 

  
  
  
  


  1. **With a shuddering gasp, with a laugh**



The ceiling was white when he woke up and for a moment, he thought it had all been some horrible dream that his mind had made him live through. 

He sat bolt upright, trying to breathe through the crushing weight on his chest. 

Then there was a hand on his chest, keeping him from toppling forward, or off the bed--bed? “Whoah, it’s okay, you’re safe, you’re on the bounty.” He knew that voice. 

“ _Nya_ ,” Cole choked--gasped--sobbed, he shuddered and then couldn’t stop, he just kept shaking. 

Nya made a pained sound and pulled him against her chest, hugging him tightly. Her arms were warm and safe and he was on the bounty, he was _home_. He never thought he’d see them again. 

“You’re okay,” he shuddered again, burying his face in her shoulder. “You guys are okay.” 

“ _You’re_ okay,” Nya countered him with a choked laugh. “You idiot, you let a mountain crush you.” 

“I’d let another mountain crush me if it meant you were all safe,” he told her, arms tightening around her. 

“Don’t say that,” Nya whispered, “ _please_ don’t say that.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, but he meant it. He would never stop sacrificing himself if it meant saving them. Her arms tightened around him. 

“Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it,” her voice broke. “We thought you were dead.” 

“I’m not,” he said, eyes wet. When had he started crying? “I’m not. I didn’t--I didn’t know if I saved you guys. I thought--” 

“You did,” Nya whispered. “You saved us, we’re all okay. We’re okay, you’re here.” 

“I’m here,” he repeated, “You’re okay.” 

_I love you_ , he didn’t say, fresh hot tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Never leave us like that again,” Nya demanded, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into his shoulder. 

She knew he couldn’t promise that, so he didn’t. He just hugged her tighter. 

There was a crash and both of them jumped looking up at Jay who stood in the doorway, staring at them, his hands hovering in the air as though he had been holding something. Cole glanced down at the shattered mug on the ground which told him he _had_ been holding something, and that was what the crash was. 

“Cole,” Jay choked and he was running forward and ramming into him in a hug. 

Cole was laughing, then he was crying, but it was okay. They were okay. He was okay. 

Kai, Zane and Lloyd were only a few seconds behind Jay, jumping at him and joining the hug until he was being crushed under their collective weight and it was hard to breathe, but it was okay. Everything was okay. 

  
  
  


They spent the night in a pile, no one really wanting to leave Cole’s side, and, honestly, he didn’t want them to leave much either. They found every blanket and pillow on the airship and dumped them all on the floor in front of the T.V, settling down around Cole, surrounding him from all sides. There was always someone touching him as if they were reassuring themselves he was still there and he wasn’t about to stop them. It was overwhelming after being alone for so long, but he couldn’t bring himself to request some space--didn’t _want_ to. He needed reassurance that they were there just as much as they needed reassurance that he was. 

Kai was sprawled out across his legs, not unlike a cat, keeping his feet warm and playing around with some sparks that lit up from his fingers. Zane sat on the couch behind him, letting him rest his head on his crossed legs, and running his fingers through his hair, the soft, repetitive, incredibly soothing motion. Jay was pressed to his side, his arm around his waist to keep him as close as possible. Lloyd was settled on his other side, fingers intertwined with his, gripping firmly, but not too tight. Nya was flopped over him, ahead of Kai, her head resting on Jay’s thighs and her legs on Lloyd’s. 

Despite having set up in front of the T.V, they didn’t actually end up turning it on. They mostly just sat together, talking quietly. Even Jay was unusually soft from his place pressed up against his side. They kept the voices low, and it finally occurred to him that they knew it would be overwhelming for him to be exposed to people so suddenly after his one month isolation and were trying to adjust their habits accordingly. 

He felt abruptly emotional at the thought and hid his face in Jay’s shoulder. No one brought any attention to the fact, but Jay did squeeze his waist reassuringly and Lloyd did the same with his hand. Zane rubbed circles in what had to be specific pressure points in his head, Nya grabbed his other hand and Kay kept a supportive hand around his ankle. He stayed like that with his friends supporting him just… breathing for a while. 

He dozed a few times, though he didn’t want to fall asleep, afraid if he did, he might wake up again and find he had imagined the whole thing. 

But eventually, with his friends surrounding him and Zane’s fingers in his hair, he slept. 

  
  
  


He didn’t even have a chance to begin to panic when he woke up because Zane’s hands were still in his hair. Cole blinked slowly, his eyes half open, not quite awake yet. The others still seemed to be asleep. Jay and Kai were snoring softly and Lloyd was squished against his side, head on his shoulder. His legs were completely numb, but he hardly felt like telling the siblings to get off. He let himself sit, half awake for a little while, listening to their mingled breathing. It took him a few minutes of drowsiness to realize Zane wasn’t running his fingers through his hair anymore, but was instead weaving little braids into it. 

For some reason it made him smile and he tilted his head back to look up at him. Zane’s hands stilled at the motion and blinked down at him. 

“I apologize,” he said, but didn’t withdraw his hands which Cole was glad for. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Cole said with a hum, letting his eyes close as Zane resumed the motion. “When did you learn how to braid?” 

“I uh…” Zane hesitated. Cole opened his eyes again, peering up at him. Zane averted his gaze, looking at Jay’s head. “I wanted to continue on with my hands in your hair as the motion seemed soothing for you, but I worried it was becoming too repetitive, so I downloaded a few hundred files on braiding for variety.” 

“You’re so good, Zane” Cole laughed shakily, his vision blurring. “Thank you.” 

_I love you_ , he didn’t say. 

  
Why couldn’t he seem to say it? 

Zane blinked down at him. “I--” his brow furrowed. “You’re welcome, Cole.” 

Cole’s breathing was shaky for a little while and he kept his eyes closed as it evened out, but Zane didn’t mind. He continued braiding as though he’d never stopped and Cole fell asleep with his hands in his hair for the second time. 

  
  
  
  


**+1. So everyone can hear**

A week passed before he was allowed to join them in training. They would have benched him longer, but Nya at least seemed to understand his need to do more than sit around. 

Kai had him down on the mat within five seconds so they decided to put off sparring until he’d built up his physical strength again. As much as he’d tried to keep active during the last month, there was only so much you could do when you were chained to one area on the floor. 

Zane stuck with him while the others sparred, helping him gauge where he was at now and what it would take to get him back to where he was. It was frustrating, but he’d gotten there once, he could get there again. 

They were patient with him, even when he snapped, which sometimes only annoyed him more and resulted in him storming off deck. He wasn’t really mad, not at them. He would do it all again if it meant they were safe, but it was still frustrating to be so behind suddenly. He would catch them looking at him sometimes, when they thought he couldn’t see him. They watched him like they were afraid he’d disappear. He couldn’t count how many times he’d felt someone check on him in the middle of the night. 

Jay was the least subtle out of all of them, usually just straight up climbing into his bed whether he was awake or not and falling asleep with their arms wrapped around each other. Lloyd did it a couple of times, usually when Jay was already there. The other ninja would awake to find the three of them sprawled out and tangled up in each other. They had photographic evidence as proof, which they joked about using as blackmail but Cole could see they weren’t serious. They were just grabbing at the hint of normalcy. 

On the nights that Jay wasn’t there, and Lloyd came to check on him, they spent the twilight hours talking softly about nothing and everything. Lloyd would try to keep a little bit of distance between them but they would usually end up in a hug by the end of the night anyway. 

Kai only did it once and it wasn’t really on purpose. Cole woke up to stifled sobs and looked over the side of his bed to see him curled up on himself from where he sat on the floor, his back against his bed. He jerked when he felt Cole’s hand on his shoulder and started babbling out an apology about not meaning to wake him and that _I just… I just needed to m-make sure_. Cole wordlessly pulled him into his bed and hugged him for a long time. 

It was rare that Cole slept well, so when he did they let him sleep in for a long time. By the time he woke up they were usually all out of the room. This particular time it was noon by the time he blinked into consciousness. He could hear his friends chatter from outside the room and pushed himself off the bed, stretching as he stood to shake off the lingering sleepiness that came after a really long, really good nap. It had been a while since he’d gotten such a good sleep and still felt a little drowsy as he left the bunks to join his friends in the kitchen a short distance away. 

He started to enter the room but stopped at the door, unable to bring himself to go any further. 

His friends sat around the table, talking and laughing together, smiles on their faces. Jay said something with his mouth so full of rice there was literally no way that anyone could possibly understand him and Lloyd and Nya burst out laughing, joined by Kai soon after, even Zane hiding his smile behind his hand. Jay tried to say something again, but his mouth was still full so they only ended up laughing harder. 

Kai spotted him and his face lit up even more, if that was even possible. “Hey, Cole! You’re awake!” 

The rest of them turned to look at him and gave similar greetings. He couldn’t quite open his mouth to return them, instead just staring at them as feelings swelled his chest, making him press his mouth shut. 

Zane’s brow furrowed when he didn’t respond and he stepped forward. “Are you alright, Cole?” 

“I’m…” They were all looking a little concerned now, but he couldn’t really think of anything to say. 

Well, that was a lie. He knew what he wanted to say, the words just kept getting lodged in his throat. He took a shaky breath. 

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you._

“I love you guys,” Cole finally said. He exhaled a laugh, forcefully wiping his eyes to try and keep the tears at bay, but he didn’t really succeed at that, his palm and hand already wet. “I love you guys so much,” he choked out and buried his face in his hands, shoulder shaking. 

It was only a moment before they were surrounding him, hugging him. He really didn’t know why he was crying. 

“We love you too,” Jay told him, his own voice choked, “We love you so, so much.” He didn’t bother wiping his tears, just buried his face against Cole’s shoulder and he tried to not let out a sob at his words. 

He knew that. He _knew_ they loved him. He saw it every day in the way they treated each other and trusted one another, so why--why were the words themselves making him fall apart. 

“I love you, Cole,” Zane said and Cole’s shoulders shook. 

“I love you, Cole,” Jay said and he let out a sob. 

“I love you, Cole,” Kai said and Cole’s legs felt like jello, wobbly and unstable, hardly fit to support himself, let alone the team. 

“I love you, Cole,” Nya said and he sucked in a shuddering lung full of air. He was sure he would have fallen over if it weren’t for their collective arms around him holding him up in a hug, supporting him, embracing him. 

“I love you, Cole,” Lloyd said, and Cole’s tears wouldn’t stop. “You’ve always looked after us. Please let us take care of you too. You don’t have to support us all alone, we’re a team and we always will be, remember?” His voice faltered into a whisper. “Remember? You told me that. We’re always there for each other. You’ll always have us, we’ll be here for you no matter what. We love you so much, Cole. You don’t have to do it alone.” 

“I want to be strong for you,” he whispered. 

“We’re stronger together,” Lloyd responded, voice tight. He grabbed his hand and squeezed it. 

“We’ve got you, Cole,” Kai said and the other’s voiced their agreement, determination in their tone. 

Cole held his shoulders tightly, shaking, suppressing his shudders and sobs, then, after a moment, he finally sagged forward, letting all his weight rest on his friends and they held him up, hugging him tighter as he sobbed. For the first time, Cole let someone support him completely, giving away the ever-steady foundation for something sandy and awful, but they didn’t care. They hugged him tighter and he let himself crumble in their arms because he _knew_ \--he trusted them to help him pick up the pieces and put himself back together again. 

  
  
  


**+2 Loudly, with laughter**

It took a month or two, but he was back to full strength and felt lighter than he had in years. It took some getting used to, seeking out one of the ninja to talk to when he felt lonely or had doubts. He was so used to being the one they came to, it was hard to make the adjustment. They didn’t stop coming to him and their persistence encouraged him to open up a little more and then a little more, relieved they weren’t treating him like some fragile thing. He was still the elemental master of earth, still steady and strong. But sometimes…

Sometimes he was just Cole. A kid who got scared, who didn’t know everything, who needed to seek out comfort from others and step off his cement foundation for a moment to speak of the cracks and erosion he feared. Because that’s what a team did, right? They supported each other and reinforced the cracks and cavities inside each other. Sometimes filing them, sometimes leaving them as they were and simply adding more support where they could. 

No one person could carry a team alone. There was the leader who would lead them to their destination the best he could, there was the drive that kept them moving when everything seemed hopeless, the glue--the _heart_ that held them all together, the logic that kept them on the right path, the challenger who always encouraged them to do better and push their limits and improve in ways they never thought they could, and the foundation that kept them steady, even as the world shook around them. The reason they worked so well was because they worked _together_ , sharing responsibilities, their areas overlapping and allowing them to help one another when they didn’t _know_. They had their places on the team, but no one ever said they had to do it alone. 

When Lloyd had trouble making a decision, they were all there to support and help him and catch him if he ever slipped and fell. When Kai lost some of his fire they were there to back him up with sparks and whatever fuel they could find to get him started again. When Jay felt the hopelessness creep in, his anxiety and pessimism threatening to rise, they were there for him, holding him, reassuring him and listening to him. When Nya felt as though she could never catch up, or that she would never be seen as what she truly was, they were there to tell her that no matter what anyone else thought, they believed in her and knew her and thought of her as their teammate and fully worthy to be there. 

They weren’t alone. They were never alone. They had each other, and that was what made them a truly amazing team. 

And Cole got better at saying it. There were still times he hesitated, but after the first, it wasn’t so hard to tell them that he loved them. 

  
  


Cole burst onto the training deck and yelled very loudly. “I LOVE YOU GUYS!” letting them respond with amused _We love you too’_ s before launching a pie at each of them. Nya and Zane managed to dodge theirs, but Kai, Lloyd and Jay weren’t so lucky. Kai got it down his shirt and he shrieked, flailing wildly. Lloyd had tried to dodge but it hit his arm and splattered over most of his side. Jay was utterly unprepared for such an assault and his pie ended up nailing him in the side of the head.

Cole then ran for it, his friends cursing and sputtering after him. 

“My revenge will be swift, Cole!” Jay yelled. 

“Watch your back!” Kai threatened in a shriek. 

“Oh my gods,” Lloyd laughed and stumbled on after them to join in the chase. 

Cole could hear Nya and Zane laughing behind them and he cackled, his own laugh echoing through the hallways as he ran to escape retribution.

He couldn’t stop grinning.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a comment if you feel like it. I'm always thrilled to know what people liked.
> 
> Edit: ART
> 
> https://ninja-knox-ur-sox-off.tumblr.com/post/627557200641015808/a-scene-from-my-fic-all-the-ways-i-say-i-love


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